I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
