i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
