Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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