I need help removing her.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
