You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
