chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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