I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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