What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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