What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
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