In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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