We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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