I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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