Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
