So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
