So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't turn off my feet"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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