You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
