operation harelip BJ is a go
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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