Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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