u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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