there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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