and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
