The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
