Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
