You're completely useless in the revolution.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
