Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
