Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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