I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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