All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
