i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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