Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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