VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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