I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
