I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
