the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there is glitter all over my balls
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
