goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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