There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
