LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
