nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
