Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Mom said you looked used
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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