I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
