I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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