i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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