What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
