shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
