I accidentally had phone sex last night
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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