Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
