Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
