State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
