PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
