May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
