she woke up with a sticky ear
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
