the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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