I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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