That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
