I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
