OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
