no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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